Barcelona: Gissa Job

Gissa job
29 year-old scouse idle-ist seeks short-term lucrative position somewhere in London towards the end of July.

Willing to work short hours, mono-task and will accept little of no responsibility.

Expects to receive an unnecessarily large wage.

For those who are interested here is the candidate´s CV

Curriculum Vitae

Name:
Dan Jamieson also known as Stan James, Spaniel, Jim, El Capitan, The Shadow

Address:
Last seen in a bar, somewhere in Spain

Education:
Depending on who you believe - A public school somewhere in Surrey or The School of Hard Knocks Comprehensive, The Hood, Inner City Liverpool.

Further Education:
St Catharine´s College, Cambridge - allegedly, graduated in cheating studies and further maths

Even Further Education:
International House TEFL course, where I learnt to shoot fish in barrels.

Current Occupation:
Currently taking candy from babies, otherwise known as teaching English. I actually re-experienced work-related stress for the first time this week. Strange feeling - I advise you avoid it. I recieved my teaching certificate the other day and I was absolutely bog standard at everything, however, what I am very good at doing is getting paid the absolute maximum for my teaching and therefore minimising the hours. Now that´s a real teaching talent.

Part-time roles:
Leisure Consultant
Holiday Rep for passing through English/German tourists

Previous jobs:
Guardian/Observer - did I tell you I used to work for a newspaper...
Workthing.com - reality TV game show where hand-picked contestants are put under extreme pressure locked in a virtual boot camp, disguised as a website. Contestants have a year to try to escape and the winner gets an all expenses paid holiday to Spain in a luxury Volvo.

Jobs I would now like to combine the best elements of my current and previous jobs:
*ideally in a hot country (but London in the summer will do)
*paid website wages
*working in the glamorous world of the media
*doing something vaguely creative that I can boast about in the pub
*must have opportunity to organise the office football team
*job basically involves chatting to people
*18 hours a week
*Fridays off

Please send contracts to danieljamieson@hotmail.com

I will be available to take up the position after I attend Cath and Graham´s wedding on July 13/14.

Let the bidding war commence

Hobbies

Travel:
I went to Italy at Easter to see Kate. Proceeded to have what the Spanish call a Russian Mountain of a holiday which translated is a rollercoaster. Don't ask. Still all´s well that ends well via lots of Easter related Catholic processions making me feel guilty for no apparent reason, a failed attempt at snowboarding and a beautiful few days in a Tuscan villa. Ups, downs, love, hate, French girls, Italian boys, catholicism etc - all you need for a very memorable holiday.

Football:
My team were officially shit (we drew 6-6 with the South Koreans who have only ever won two games in their history (this team that is, not the nation itself)) but now we have rallied to merely being truely awful after a three game unbeaten run. I scored a tremendous 25 yard volley last week, Svennis were your attentions on something else at the time, or what?

Learning foreign languages:
Resurrected my interest when someone sat down with me and actually took me through what was going on with the grammar in English. Things are now improving again.

Entertaining:
Had Si out for Skrypec´s stag do. I skillful managed to avoid going to see the live, dwarf sex shows that were being promised at one stage. In the end me, Si, his brother and some mates went to see Barcelona play Espanyol instead which was much better apparently (though less action).

Hard rock music:
Highlight of the month of April (no, my life) was going to see Status Quo. I know, I know, you may mock but they really put on a great show these boys. I can report that Francis Rossi´s ponytail and jerkin were fantastic and Rick Parfit´s hair is even more gorgeous close up than on TV. I was given the ticket free so was able to rock and roll all over the world in a ironic, costless sort of way.

Special Talents:
*Idleness
*Throwing bits of screwed-up paper into bins
*Compiling football-related statistics
*Remembering lots of things about women I have met many times who don´t remember who I am
*Exaggerating (I am the best at this)
*Scrabble
*Pidgin spanish
*A tan

Future Plans:
As a mark of respec´ to the Queen I will be returning to England for her Silver Jubilee celebrations. Purely coincidentally this conincides with a wedding and England v Sweden. Unfortunately I will not be going through London so you will miss out on my grand tour but you may see the press coverage of my visit to a local hostelry in Shropshire.

Referees:
Jon / Carl (lastminute.com)
Graham Poll (Tring)

Contact details:
Mobile - 0034 651 519 141
Address - 88 Calle Verdi 2, 1, Gracia, Barcelona, 08012
Website - www.danjamieson.com

That´s all folks. Watch that tickometer count down on the website and pray for a miracle

Lots of love

Dan