Chile: Radio Script 2 - October 31

INTRO
Sound Effects: Land of Hope & Glory

Hola, Buenas Tardes, Ciao, Bienvenido to the Field Base Broadcasting Company. The time is 6.00pm standard Chilean time and the date is Sunday October 31st. Estupendo!

Two major things going on in the world. 1 It’s Halloween. Oooohhhhh and 2 Its Election week – ohhhhh. So we thought we’d combine them and start with a poll.

Which of these is the scariest?
1. Barry’s techno at full volume
2. The Alpha 1 lurgy
3. Graham’s radio lecture
4. John dressed up as a robot
5. Nina, in her shades, turning down logs requests
6. Or the scariest words in the English language, pause, ‘Hi this is Alpha 7, can we go on a daytrip?”

Coming up in the next half an hour we’ve got a show so packed, if it was a kayak, only Iain could paddle it

We’ve got
 News, messages, polls, messages, updates & messages from all the groups
 All the footie results
 Claire has stepped into Norman’s place and will be bringing you Spanish chat up lines and how to turn down the unwanted attention of letchurous men.
 There’s news from the 24 hour Field Base Broadcasting Centre News Epicentre of Information
 And some more polls.
Ok, here’s the news of the views from the various Alpha groups

Alpha 1
Same staff, different venturers, same story. No, its not that they’ve all got the lurgy but they have apparently seen Killer Whales swimming off the Las Toninos beach.With Giraffes riding on the back of them. Of course they have. Graham and Dan had to rush down their to verify the sightings and all we saw was rain.Has the Dr of Love overdosed on loving? Or has he faked illness in order to spend time with Mrs Palm and her 5 lovely pink daughters? We await reports.Talking of Alpha 1 traditions, no-one has, as yet, caught the dreaded Kayak lurgy. This may come from them not actually leaving their tents.

Alpha 2
Confusion in Fieldbase when the previous camp name was changed to ‘Cannon camp’ after Yvonne. We’re looking forward to hearing from Brian May’s School of Soft Rock, Bagshaw’s World of Pain and Natalie House Frow of the Blonde Accountants. We’ll be expecting more news of ice-caps, snow holes and Yeti sightings over te next few weeks.

Alpha 3
“Hola, Nina Modig here with the update from the Swedish Jury up in the mountains. As you will expect I am here lying here in the snow with Jorn. I must say so far our rations have been excellent. I know fieldbase have been worried that they have heard no-one apart from Henry so far on the radio. This is because we are all involved in a science experiment with floor polish and thermals. You will be able to see our all adventures on Hot Swedish Girls in the Snow.com.

Alpha 4
The Alpha 4’s have been walking in a winter wonderland so far on this phase. Good job Bob’s fleece was already camoflaged to blend into the background as a big cuddly snowman so he can disappear and do no work. When we asked you to path build we don’t just want you to move snow off the driveway by the way.

For some reason Alpha 4 believe this radio show is their own private message service and have given us approximately 100 messages to relay to the rest. More on this news later.

Alpha 5
Alpha 5 have been obsessed with horses since they left. They’ve cleared 500m of path and are now running a betting shop and George is now setting the odds. So far there have been no health reps from Sally but we’re sitting by the radio with pen in hand.

They now have the pleasure of DEL Martin’s company for the next few days. The man who is alledgely in charge of all things organisational managed to almost set off without his rations.

Alpha 7
Most unexpected news of the week was that Alpha 7 had broken their radio, primarily through over-use. They would call and tell us but we’ve actually had some peace and quiet for a day or so.
And secondly, they have requested to go on a day trip again folks. This time to Argentina. Can you imagine anything could go wrong on that? Still at least everyone in field base will get to visit another country when we have to go and rescue them.

We were worried that Alpha 7 staff have taken over completely. All we get are staff on the radio, staff giving each other messages and staff losing things. Can we remind you, its all about the venturers, not day-trips.

Alpha 8
Now what would you expect from an entire Alpha group of staff. Hard work? Excellence at use of the radio? A love of the great outdoors using?

Well the news from Dave and his synchronised posse of pyschotic hedghogs is that they have broken their radio, they’ve spent every night so far in a Hospedaje and each morning they ring in their sit reps at 9.30am from the local internet café. Hmm. As for the groups legendary love of abstinence we have sent spies down south to monitor their refueling habits.

Alpha 6
Ah Ah Ah. Count Dracula Norman here. Ah Ah Ah. I have closed the Balmaceda Chuch of the latter Day Saints and replaced it with Count Dracula Norman’s Home of the Old Spanish Virgins. The Reverend Martin and his blonde assistant Sally Anne and all the venturers are locked in the crypt. Ah ha ha. Sally Mills was last seen running for the airport, but my bats will catch her and bring her back to me. Ah Ah Ah. I have an long list of resupply requests - I do not want any garlic, any steaks, no wood. Thankfully Balmaceda has no sunlight. That’s all from the Prince of Darkness.

Field Base
Everyone has fallen into their natural roles
Jim and Claire are being mum and dad, cooking and chopping logs
James is sleeping and adding “need a kip” to his to do list
Dan is grumbling and moaning so is happy
Ali is in charge of shit music, bad multi-coloured jumpers and giggling and making up job titles for us all.
Martin was last seen running for the hills, he left so quickly he didn’t even take food with him.

And now a word from our sponsors
Advertisement
Hola Soy Victor, of Victor’s cabs tonights special sponsor. I love Operacion Raleigh. Me encanta all the lovely blonde girls. I especially love the idiot chicos who get stuck in Puerto Tranquillo and have to pay me a fortune to get back. So if you need a ride, anytime and from anywhere, call me Victor, and my coche of love. This is Senor Victor of Victors cabs saying Bueanos Noches happy campers.

MESSAGES & GOSSIP
Sound Effects: Big Brother
As is the way with all news media these days all hard news has been replaced by gossip, slander and a close attention to the priavte lives of famous people. Therefore we have some messages from all the groups to each other. Those who want to go and make a cup of tea on a open fire should go and do it now as this is going to take ages.

A4Rachel to Steph/ Kate - Hi and I miss you
Steve/ Michael and Shital to George (A5) - Happy birthday for 1st Nov
Michaela to Owen/ Steph and Coca - Hello, I miss you
Chris to Claire - Missing you lots
Rachel to Ed from Busted : Love you

A5
George (A5) to Antonia - Happy birthday

A6
From A6 to George and Claire: Happy birthday
Claire T to Chris (A4): Hugs and kisses
Kate to Shital and Frankie: Hello
Ruaridh/ Paul/ Jack to Duracell - Have you Savaged anything in the water yet ?Jack to Grumpy in A3: Hi

A7
Maria to Dave: Hello Big Boy
A7 Staff to Georgia, Laura and Antonia: Hi

Fieldbase to A7 – once again, can we remind you to let the venturers have a go on the radio please, sorry to take up 30 minutes of your airtime

Fieldbase to Rachel in A4 “Pull yourself together girl”

Finally has Jack used some of his Aussie charm to catch himself a young girl in the bush?

Studs and Studdesses poll continues but there have been more votes for Pat in (A7) – must be his hair and his ability to rescue young ladies from dangerous situations. (though he did put them in danger in the first place)

HAPPY BIRTHDAYS
Sound Effects: Happy Birthday
My name is Graham Hornsey, and not a lot of people know that this is a record week for birthdays. I am really excited. On Wednesday its Claire Brunning’s birthday and it is also Pete Donnelly’s who turns 21. Antonia also turns 21 next week while tomorrow George becomes a man and turns 18. We’d all raise a glass to him, but we can’t. And remember you’re only supposed to blow the bloody candles out when you are supplied with cakes.

Now over the Field Base Broadcasting Corporation news container for all the supply of news that’s fit for human consumption. James, James, wake up man!, who have you got snuggled up in your sleeping bag of news for us tonight?

NEWS
Sound Effects: Dambusters
Osama Bin Laden has raised his ugly head again. This time he’s sent a tape to the world media, admitting his part in 9/11 and threatening more, just before the US Elections on Tuesday. Unfortunately this has had the desired affect of tipping the polls in George Bush’s favour. Call us cynical but is Bin Laden actually working on behalf of the Republican party? Polls have Bush of 48, Kerry on 44. The biggest election in the world is on Tuesday.

Bong
The second biggest election on earth is taken place in Coyhaique today as the locals go to the polls to choose their counsellors. My personal favourite is Javier “Superman” Soto – I’m the protector of Coyhaique.

Bong
John Peel died aged 65. Top scouser and godfather of radio 1 he will be missed by many, especially by white, lonely, middle class men who like listening to inpenetrable music during their spotty teenage years in their bedrooms on their own.

Sound Effects: Top of the Pops
The top 10 in the Uk is
(10) R Kelly - Happy People/U Saved Me
(9) The Libertines - What Became of the Likely Lads
(8) Duncan James & Keedie - I Believe My Heart
(7) Dannii Minogue Vs Flower Power - You Won't Forget About Me
(6) Kelis feat. Andre 3000 - Millionaire
(5) Khia - My Neck My Back (Lick It)
(4) Jay Sean - Stolen
(3) Daniel Bedingfield - Nothing Hurts Like Love
(2) Eric Prydz - Call On Me
(1) Ja Rule feat. R Kelly & Ashanti - Wonderful

WEATHER
Snow, blizzards, storms, rain, cloud, hail. Just a normal week in Region x1. If you wanted nice weather you all should have gone on Raleigh in Africa so stop whinging.

Now over to Jim for his world of sport

SPORT
Sound Effects: Tennis
Premiership
Things still rumble on from last Sunday’s clash of the titans between United and Arsenal. Ruud van Nisterlroy has been charged with trying to maim Ashley Cole with a knee high tackle, now Man U are trying to get Thierry Henry done for knobling Heinze off the ball.

We all enjoyed Manchester United losing to Portsmouth 2-0Arsenal scapped a 2-2 draw with rubbish Southampton with a last minute equalizer and Liverpool failed to take advantage by drawing 2-2 with Blackburn away. Djibril Cisse broke his leg at the same ground Liverpool had two broken legs last season.

Chelsea were the most impressive winners of the weekend, winning 4-1 against mangerless West Brom.Our Geordie friends will be gutted to hear that for the first time in 12 matches they lost, 2-1 away to Bolton.

Mid-table rubbish involved
Everton 1 Aston Villa 1
Birmingham 0 – Crystal Palace 1
Fulham 2 – Spurs 0

So the table looks like this
The Arse top on goal difference from Chelsea on 26
Everton still strangelty third on 23
Bolton on 21
Boro on 18
Liverpool sixth on 17 above Manchester United on goal difference
Newcastle eight on 16

In League Division 1 as we like to call it
Leeds 0 – Wigan 2
Reading 2 Coventry 3
Ipswich 3 – Preston 0
QPR 3 – Burnley 0
Watford 2 – Nottingham Forest 1 – bad news for Martin
Cardiff 0 – Leicester 0

The table looks like this
Wigan top on 36
Ipswich & Reading on 30
QPR 4th on 29
With Sunderland and West Ham tied on 28
Sheffield United 6 on 26
Stoke at 7th on 24 – Bob don’t get too excited.
All played 16

Leicester are 14th and Forest 3rd from bottom on 13

News from ScotlandRangers won 5-0 and Celtic won 3-2. Boring. Vogts to be sacked on Monday.
This week its back on the money train with the Champions League. Meanwhile over in Spain little Michael Owen has now scored 3 winners in 3 games and looks set to start this week.

And in other Sport
Unfortunately the Aussies opened a can of whup ass on the Indians in cricket and won their first series away in India for 3 decades. Whup di do.

NORMAN’S SPANISH
Sound Effects: Benny Hill
Now over to Claire for our second instalment of our ‘How to pull in Spanish’
Claire…
Raleigh International- Spanish Lesson Radio Show 31/10/2004
Hola Campistas mojadas!
Hello wet campers

Hello it’s Claire here, your Spanish teacher for today. I have ejected Norman from this seat of responsibility. Today I will share with you the art of getting rid of people you don’t want around and generally being ‘una lengua venenosa’ (poisonous tongue).

Picture the scene, you have spotted a very attractive boy and his ugly mate comes over! Listen to the following dialogue:

Sound effects: general piano love music
Boy: Estás solo?
Are you alone?

Girl: Si, pero estoy esperando al médico del amor
Yes, but I am expecting the Doctor of Love

Boy: Quieres tomar algo?
Would you like a drink?

Girl: No gracias, Estoy con Raleigh y no puedo beber.
No thanks, I’m with Raleigh, I can’t drink.

Boy: Bailamos?
Do you want to dance?

Girl: No, tienes un moco en la narriz y tienes legañas
No, you have snot in your nose and goo in your eyes.

Boy: Los ojos son azules como el Lago Verde
Your eyes as blue as Lago Verde

Girl: Desgraciadamente, tengo la vista perfecta y puedo ver que eres muy feo
Unfortunately I have perfect vision and I can see that you are very ugly.

Boy: Dame un pico
Give me a little kiss

Girl: No!, que le pasa? Tienes aliento de dragón. Eres un asco. Déjeme en paz y vas apreter las espinillas
No way! What’s wrong with you! You have dragon breath! You are disgusting. Leave me in peace and go and squeeze your blackheads.

Sound effects: Hot Chocolate, you sexy thing.
Girl: Dios mio! El medico del amor ha entrado el edificio! Es un tipo muy caliente. Huele muy bien- mmmm humo de leña y virilidad!Oh my god!
The Doctor of Love has entered the building! He’s super buff and smells so good- mmmm woodsmoke and unwashed manly smell!

Dr Love: Estás sola?
Are you alone?

Girl: Si, había esperándote todo mi vida
Yes, I have been waiting for you all my life

Dr Love: Quieres tomar un cafecito en mi carpa?
Do you want to come back to my tent for coffee?

Girl: Si, pero tengo tres amigas divinas que gustarían venir tambien. Te molestaría?
Yes, but I know my 3 stunningly attractive friends would like to come too. Would that be ok?

Dr Love: Claro, es completamente natural
Of course, it’s entirely natural

Girl: Vámanos!
Let’s go!

All: DO IT………
Thank you Claire, more from her and the Dr Love next week.

SIGN OFF
Finally Dave was sent out a copy of Maxim by his friends. Obviously they thought he was continuing to be single and needed some light hand relief. Anyway in there were some interesting poll results.

If these apply to you women will not sleep with you.
Hairy back 36%
Unemployed 43%
Bad Table manners 52%
Sandles with Socks 69%
Snorty Laugh 31%
Goggle eyes 38%

Unfortunately, this applies to most of you so you’d better worry. However your odds with the ladies will improve if you

Are very loud and show off a lot 40%
Smoke and hang out round the side of the barn 60%
Play terrible music at the end of parties
18%Take your top off a the merest hint of sunshine 12%
Being too cool to enjoy silly games at parties 0%

Gracias, Buenos Noches, Ciao Ciao, Adios, Hasta Luego
That’s all folk. And in the immortal words of Jerry Springer “Look after yourselves and each other”. And here’s a simple song with a simple message.

SONG – Take That ‘Back for Good’