Remember Dan, it's not show-friends, it's show-business

To read my account of what happened when they decided to put the dan in redundant go to

http://tvnme.blogspot.com

Reality meet TV in a altogether more unexpected way

Autumn Guardian Recruitment Fair

Date
Thursday October 27

Visitor Information
You are all invited to all present me with a variety of highly paid and interesting new job / baby sitting opportunities

Exhibitors
The cream of London's media marketing and baby-creating society

Venue
Three Kings Public House, Clerkenwell, from 6.30pm onwards, I'll be selling the Big Issue outside and will join you when I have made enough money

Catering
The Gulshan will be laying on a finger buffet after the guest speakers have given their talk

Guest Speakers
Carl Lyons: Current Marketing Director, 47.9 Capital FM
"Remember, it's not show-friends it's show-business"

Dan Jamieson: Ex-Head of Marketing, 95.8 Capital FM
"D-Cap Day and what management synergies and cost-base reduction mean to me"

A word from our Sponsors

Carolyn McCall: Managing Director, GNL
"Frankly since the halcyon old days circa 1996-9, the size of Guardian readership is so much smaller these days we had to reduce the size of the newspaper accordingly. I'm pleased G-Cap's new management are doing the same with their marketing staff"

Alan Rusbridger: Editor of the Guardian
"The Guardian is now the perfect size. It now fits nicely between the two stools of broadsheet gravitas and tabloid impact. We're happy to sponsor this job fair dedicated to the outcomes of down-sizing"

Website
http://media.guardian.co.uk/radio/story/0,12636,1585536,00.html

Free carrierbags full of leaflets for every visitor

Evening Classes for Men

(I received this and didn't write it but felt it needed a suitable response)

ALL ARE WELCOME: OPEN TO MEN ONLY

Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants

The course covers two days, and topics covered in this course include:

DAY ONE

HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS
Step by step guide with slide presentation

LOO ROLLS- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
Roundtable discussion

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR
Practicing with hamper (Pictures and graphics)

DISHES & SILVERWARE; DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?
Debate among a panel of experts.

LOSS OF VIRILITY
Losing the remote control to your significant other - Help line and support groups

LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS
Starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming - Open forum

DAY TWO

EMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?
Group discussion and role play

HEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH
PowerPoint presentation

REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST
Real life testimonial from the one man who did

IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
Driving simulation

LIVING WITH ADULTS; BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER
Online class and role playing

HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques

REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE
Bring your calendar or PDA to class

GETTING OVER IT; LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME
Individual counsellors available

Evening Classes For Women

ALL ARE WELCOME: OPEN TO WOMEN ONLY

Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants. Bring female best friend if you feel daunted

The course covers two days, but extra time is available at the end to go over and over things:

DAY ONE

NAGGING
Which buttons to press and when

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN OFF AND ONSIDE
Practicing with Subbuteo figures (Pictures and graphics)

WHEN IS SOMETHING TOO CLEAN?
Debate as to whether something can be reasonably clean. Does it have to pass a UN inspection / impromptu visit from mother in law

LOSS OF LOOKS
Dealing with the on-set on ageing, why spending money on expensive face cream isn’t the answer

LEARNING HOW TO HIDE THINGS
When does tidying up become hiding things?

MOODS
Guess the mood from these non-verbal clues

FIRST EVENING MEAL
1 Decide who pays when men are not around – 1 hour
2 Dividing the bill equally rather than on what each person had – 2 hours

DAY TWO

LEFTOVERS: YES OR NO?
Group discussion about why “waste not, want not” is an outmoded concept imposed on people by their post-war generation parents and why the fridge is constantly full of rotting things in Tupperware boxes

HEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HIM PRESENTS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH
Spending time thinking about what he might want. Role play “it’s not all about me”

REAL MEN DON’T GET LOST
Learning to accept that Men have an inherent sense of direction

IS IT GENETICALLY POSSIBLE FOR A WOMAN TO PARALLEL PARK?
Evidence-based presentation

LIVING WITH ADULTS; BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOURSELF
Men videotaped trying to spot the difference between their partners and their mother in laws.

FASHION, WHAT’S THE POINT?
Women taught to believe that it’s what’s on the inside that counts

REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES
Bring your calendar or PDA to class in order to import Cup Final Day, Champions League dates, and close male friend’s birthdays

BEARING GRUDGES & BRINGING UP PAST MISTAKES
Practice, practice, practice